Photo update

I visited the Salon de Tigist

Daddy and Fikadu showing off their muscles

I got the most colorful bunch of flowers in the entire store as an anniversary gift from the kids!

We dressed up like cows for a free meal at Chick-fil-A . . . . mysteriously there are no pictures of me! =)

 

The kids saw their first fireworks on the 4th of July

Foster Care Adoptions

While there is much to share and numerous funny anedotes to tell of our families recent activities, I needed to post this today: (Found this at www.adoptsc.com)

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There are 130,000 children in the U.S. foster care system eligible and waiting to be adopted (an additional 470,000 in need of temporary foster homes). Children are removed from their families due to neglect and/or physical, sexual or emotional abuse. Slightly more than half of children who go into foster care return to their birth families. When bio-parents are provided with help and they are still unable to parent safely and their children remain in foster care, the state terminates the parents’ rights. The children then become available for adoption. They wait an average of nearly 4 years to be adopted, with – one out of every five, waiting  just over 5 years.

Thus, many children languish for years in the foster care system frequently relocated, not belonging to anyone – feeling unloved, isolated, unwanted, undeserving – afraid to reach out to anyone, to trust, to believe in or to plan a future. 

Each year, 38,000 of these children “age out” of the system when they reach their eighteenth birthday.  Without financial or emotional support from anyone, many of these young adults struggle to belong and gain a place in society, to become productive citizens of our communities.

Of all youth aging out of the foster care system, national statistics indicate:

• 56% are unemployed and face poverty within two to four years,
• They represent 70% of all homeless youth,
• They constitute 88% of incarcerated youth and young adults,
• 40% receive welfare within two to four years,
• 40% do not graduate from high school, and
• 60% of the teenage girls will have a baby within two years.

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Do you know there are an estimated 3o0,000 Protestant churches in America?  If 1/3 of all churches raised up just ONE family to adopt a child out of the foster care system it would clear out those currently available.  And can you imagine the difference that would make in those statistics????

I know that one reason our family initially rejected the idea of foster adoptions was the idea that “these kids have too many problems” and “our parenting would be so limited and controlled by social workers.” 

I’m beginning to ask myself the questions, ” so whose “problem” is it? (are we using this word to replace “child”)    And am I really saying that “I think it would be better for these children to languish in foster care, because I don’t like someone else telling me how to parent.”  and finally “Do I not believe the gospel is powerful enough to overcome the trauma that these children have experienced?”

That last question has hit home the hardest recently.  If I honestly believe that Jesus’ death on the cross can make a sinner whole then why wouldn’t I apply that to the life of a child traumatized by sin. 

Fikadu has almost daily pointed us to Christ by saying, ” God is powerful.  He can do it!”  Whenever something comes up whether its his school work, or he sees me visibly frustrated he’ll say this and usually add in, “God is kind, He’ll help you/me.”  This simple reminder and the words of a Matt Redman song have been rolling around in my head.  Here are the words:

Your blood speaks a better word

 Than all the empty claims

 I’ve heard upon this earth

 Speaks righteousness for me

 And stands in my defense

 Jesus it’s Your blood

 

What can wash away our sins

What can make us whole again

Nothing but the blood

Nothing but the blood of Jesus

What can wash us pure as snow

Welcomed as the friends of God

Nothing but Your blood

Nothing but Your blood King Jesus

 

Your cross testifies in grace

Tells of the Father’s heart

To make a way for us

Now boldly we approach

Not earthly confidence

It’s only by Your blood

 

What can wash away our sins

What can make us whole again

Nothing but the blood

Nothing but the blood of Jesus

What can wash us pure as snow

Welcomed as the friends of God

Nothing but Your blood

Nothing but Your blood King Jesus

 

Footsteps. . .

I love seeing this picture of our family’s feet.  It reminds my of the pitter-pattering I so longed for in years past.  Late last night I finished the book ADOPTED FOR LIFE by Russell D. Moore.  What I read is quite possibly one of the most impacting and compelling books on the case for adoption.  I would highly recommend this book for all adoptive parents, all adoptees (teens and above), extended family members of those who have adopted, those contemplating adoption, and any person who knows they’ve been adopted into the family of God.  You’ll find truth for your soul and a challenge to answer how you might obey God’s command to care for the orphans.

Russell Moore concludes his book with a few pages that begin like this:

     “I’m waiting for the sound of footsteps.  It’s quite early here; the house is still and dark.”   He proceeds to share about how he is waiting for the sounds of his children’s footsteps as they race downstairs to celebrate one of his sons birthdays.  He tells about how seven years ago his son was born, but no birth announcement was sent out, no flowers were given to his wife, no cardboard storks were on his front lawn.  He didn’t hear his son’s first cries.  His son’s birth went as unnoticed as any other foreign baby’s birth on the other side of the globe.

In the busyness of life I missed writing a post that I’ve longed to write for 5 years now.  A post about celebrating my very first Mother’s Day.  If you’ve read my blog for a while now you might remember these posts from the last two years. 

http://taylorfamilyadoption.wordpress.com/2008/05/10/happy-mothers-day

http://taylorfamily.wordpress.com/2007/05/18/he-cares/

You see, just like Russell Moore was completely unaware of his son’s birth while he and his wife were struggling with infertility and miscarriages; I also was unaware that there were two children in Ethiopia who were experiencing their first year with no mother in 2007.  While I complained about not having “children of my own,” God was orchestrating a plan to bring two precious children into our lives.  While I grieved and whined out prayers to God, unaware that He had already sovereignly answered, He was shaping a heart in me to not just be a biological mother, but a spiritual mother.  I’m growing even more now to understand who a mother really is, and that being a mother is so much more then biological DNA. 

To Fikadu and Tigist, you are the children I delight in.  You are my 2 favorite children in the entire world!  You bring me much joy and help me see a deeper view of our heavenly Father’s love.  My most earnest prayer is that not only will you know the joy of being adopted on earth but that you will experience the adoption into our heavenly Father’s family.  For like you, I was once an orphan, a cosmic one, with no hope of finding an eternal home.  But today I can rejoice to know that I am a beloved daughter of God!  I can hear you playing together upstairs, it delights my heart, I long for the day when we can share more fully about the glorious design of God in making us a family.  Thank you for making motherhood such a joy!

I love how Russell Moore concludes his book, “Maybe there are abandoned children languishing right now in cribs somewhere who will be blowing out birthday candles with their new families this time next year because of your witness, your money, or your encouragement.  Maybe they’ll be yours.  I don’t know.  Like I say, I don’t know you.  But maybe you’re waiting for the sound of footsteps too.”

Thank you to the many of you who prayed, encouraged, and financially supported us in our adoption so that today I can cherish the sounds of footsteps too.

RESURFACING. . . .

Well I’ve officially gone for the longest non-posting spurt since starting the blog, but I’m back.  There are just way to many wonderful things I want to remember and share, and since I still stink at scrapbooking, this is my best alternative! 

Here’s some snap shots into what’s been taking place in the Taylor household:

Both children learned how to ride bikes.

We celebrated my first Mother’s Day!

Made a fun trip with friends to the National Zoo

Made a trip to Maine for Joshua’s sister Hillary’s wedding

The kids held their first bunny at the wedding reception

The kids and I stayed a week with my parents and Fikadu and Tigist were introduced to many family members for the first ttime.  They met 2nd cousins Jordan and Jacob.  Fikadu tried so hard to have normal boy conversations!  One of his memorable (and laughable) lines in the hot tub was, “Hey boys! Did you know polar bears eat penguins!”

Tigist liked a quieter relaxing soak!

Fikadu was enthralled with everything boy!

Tigist loved the playhouse

A favorite was four-wheeler rides with grampy!

I think we’re in trouble!

Fikadu was introduced to this. . .

Tigist had her first cornrows, compliments of very talented grammy!

Both kids were pumped about their first boat ride!

More to come. . .

First Family Photos

Our dear friend Alyssa has a professional photography business and was so kind to take our first family photos.  You can head over to her blog at www.alyssaannephotography.blogspot.com for a sneak peak of our pictures.  We are so grateful to you Alyssa for these precious photos!  Thank you!

E’s are Kohnjo!

Tigist during school today announced that her named should be spelled with an E because they are very Kohnjo (beautiful). Now can you all understand why I might forsee some homeschooling difficulties with this beloved daughter of mine??!?!  Seriously, she’s such a free thinker I’m not sure what this analytical, formula tracting mom is going to do!

Soccer Fun

Our church organized a free soccer clinic for the next 8 weeks and kids 4-7 can come out for soccer drills and scrimmages.  It was so much fun and I think Fikadu and Tigist enjoyed it.  Fikadu definitely more so then Tigist, but we think Tigist’s main job for the morning was simply to be the cutest looking soccer player, sporting the best hot pink soccer socks of all time.  A job she succeeded at in the fullest.  Fikadu went to win and show off his prior Ethiopian futbol experience, he had some pretty awesome soccer clothes too thanks to Aunt Rachel.

 

Birthday Fun

Fikadu turned 7 on Saturday.  Wooo, somehow 7 seems so very much older then 6 and he even looks older then 3 months ago.  Of course he has grown almost an entire inch and gained a couple pounds, but can I really be the mom of a 7 year old???  I’m so lucky, I’ll get to brag that when he graduates high school I’ll still be in my 30’s. =)

Fikadu has been counting down the days since Joshua’s bday when he figured out what a party was.  He picked pizza for his birthday meal and we surprised him by doing the party Friday night instead of Saturday.  Joshua took him out for a walk after work and my sister Rachel, Tigist, and I went to work turning our dining room into party central.  Here’s some video and pictures from our celebration.  I think he genuinely felt loved, and Tigist did great even with all the attention on Fikadu.  We tried to make it more of a family celebration, and most of the gifts were soccer themed since both kids started soccer on Saturday.  We wrapped up soccer stuff for Tigist too and Grammy and Grampy and Aunt Rachel had little gifts for Tigist as well.  Fun was truly had by all!!!

Easter Fun

Easter was always a fun family holiday at our house growing up.  I love the tradition and fond memories associated with this holiday from my childhood.  A few years that stand out in particular are an Easter we spent with my cousins the Tarbox family.  Our tradition was for the  parents Easter Bunny to hide baskets for the kids to find full of goodies in the morning.  This Easter spent with the Tarbox’s I was probably 5 or 6 years old (correct me mom if I’m way off).  In my goodies I had received an entire pack of watermelon bublicious bubble gum.  I remember sitting down behind a chair, unwrapping 3 or 4 pieces and sticking them all in my mouth.   My father saw me a few minutes later and asked how many pieces I was chewing to which I replied, “Only one.”  Knowing of course that I was only allowed one.  Can’t quite remember what my punishment was for all the gum chewing and lying, I just remember it happening.   We also had fun Easters when my sister received a rabbit, and another year that we got a baby lamb (real ones).  Easter was also always followed up with an egg hunt at grammies and I’m sure we all walked away with more candy then any orthodontists chidren should ever have eaten.  The best part though was truly the family time and the shared memories that we all now can enjoy.

This is what we’re tring to create with Fikadu and Tigist.  Common family memories and traditions that bind us together and give us a pleasant memorable shared experience.  I think we accomplished that this year.  With many thanks to Nana Lesa and G & G Blackstone for the wonderful goodies you sent our way.  One laughable memory I’ll have is during the day Friday I printed out pictures for F and T to color of Easter Eggs and the Easter Bunny.  Josh and I hadn’t really planned on sharing about the Easter Bunny,but while we were coloring the kids asked about the bunny with clothes, and why does the bunny have eggs. (Do bunnies lay eggs, mommy?)  Hmmm, I hadn’t anticipated these questions so I just shared that there was a story about the Easter Bunny bringing candies and gifts in baskets to children during the night while they were asleep.  So obviously they asked if the bunny was coming to our house.  Fikadu was very concerned about a large rabbit coming into the house and didnt think it was a good idea, especially if he was sleeping and didn’t get to meet this odd bunny.  I tried my best to describe the difference between pretend and real, but that was way to abstract.  So I kinda let it go.  Well, Saturday morning when they found their baskets, Fikadu’s first words were, “Thank you Daddy, Thank you Mommy! . . .  Bunny come?  Fikadu sleep?. . . . .  THANK YOU BUNNY!!!”  Ooops! 

Anyhow, here are the photos from our celebrations. . . Enjoy!

Biblical Approaches to Attachment -Follow-up

This follow-up post has been a long time coming.  But over the last few weeks I’ve been able to read some great articles, excerpts from books, and have some great conversations with those much wiser then myself.  One thing I have realized though is that I was trying to combat two totally different issues in my original post.  Here is the ending paragraph from the original:

“So my question is as Christians how do we parent the adopted child who is showing signs of poor attachment?  Many of the things listed above can be seen in any range of children and sometimes its difficult to know what behavior is just a kid being a kid and what is something so much deeper.  I’ve read Christian Parenting books, and Adoptive Parenting books and can’t find much middle ground between the two.  So how is it that we teach adopted children the Biblical concepts of authority, discipline, obeying right away, telling the truth, showing kindness and so forth.   Is it possible to simply say, “Sin is sin,” with no regard to past experiences?  How would you Biblically counsel an adult who wasn’t trusting, had a core sense of being bad, a fear of intimacy, overwhelming feelings of shame?  Obviously by pointing them to Christ, but what if these issues were resulting in, stealing, immoral behavior, self-sufficiency, vanity?  As adopted children of God how have we been dealt with and what is expected?  Does this translate into how we parent adopted children?  I’d love the thoughts of adoptive parents and non-adoptive parents alike.”  

The two separate issues are 1. Attachment in adopted children  and  2. The instruction and parenting techniques for adopted children.  My original questions surrounded how to use Biblical parenting techniques WHEN you have an unattached adopted child, and that’s where it got a little confusing.  So today’s post is centering on what I’ve learned about the 1st issue at hand – how to form a secure attachment in adopted children.  

Originally I had considered attachment focused parenting to be over-permissive and too child-focused.  I was concerned that if we followed the advice of popular professionals in this area, we would end up with strong-willed, indulged children, who always got their own way.  And I was selfishly concerned about being respected, obeyed, listened to, and generally having obedient children who always did what was right.  Does anyone out there have kids like that???  

I was fortunate to have an excellent conversation with a mom to 14 children, 5 bio, 9 adopted.  She provided some excellent insight into attachment parenting for older children.  Many books will discuss regression techniques for the older child.  Allowing them to go back to infant and toddler emotional stages and nurturing.  Things she mentioned as helpful were: holding and rocking a child, providing all their needs such as making their meals, putting on their clothes, helping bathe them, co-sleeping.  Other helpful advice included keeping them with you all the time and always in eyesight.  We have found both F an T responsive to these techniques.  One thing I loved that she said was in the beginning its all about relationship over behavior; that as an adoptive parent your goal should be to meet the need rather then end the need.  That was a seriously helpful prospective to have when your as selfish as I can tend to be.   I’d rather end the need for drawn out bed times, slower transitions, end the perpetual questioning, end the toddler like temper-tantrums.  What I’ve come to realize though is that each time I lay down beside the kids for 10 minutes at night and talk about whatever, or answer each redundant question with patience and kindness, give them 5 minute warnings for transitions, and comfort them when they’re upset, they see that I’m hear, and listening, trustworthy, and kind.  And actually, within the last 2 weeks we’ve seen tremendous changes in both children. 

Another important thing I’ve come to realize is the fact that attachment is just going to take some time.  I think its easy to worry in the first 2 months and think that it isn’t happening yet, and what does this mean???  But when you think about normal adult relationships, when you meet someone for the first time, it certainly takes longer then 2 months to feel securely attached to that new person.  So as far as attachment goes, it is good to remember that time and truth are on our side.  And that what you read in attachment books really is helpful.  A secure attachment is going to come through the child seeing that their needs are consistently being met by their new parents, and that they are in a safe home.

Recently F and T have been asking if they will have to go back to Ethiopia.  I think they’re at a point where in their minds they want to trust us, and are starting to see what our family is all about, but before they can love us completely they want assurance that this isn’t just another stop on the way to somewhere else.   We’ve seen that they need this reassurance especially after encounters with Ethiopian people.  We live in an area with a large population of Ethiopians.  There are many Ethiopian restaurants, we’ve met people working at CVS and our local grocery store, and there are a few families in our neighborhood.    All these wonderful people have known that our kids are Ethiopian just by looking at them and will start to speak in Amharic to the kids.  For some reason this always seems to frighten Fikadu especially, and he needs the reassurance that he will be staying here in our family.  Tigist needs the reassurance more after she has done something wrong.  And that is what I want to talk about in my next post: Parenting techniques to use with unattached adopted children.  So although this is certainly not the most thorough or best article on attachment, my original questions surrounded more the parenting, instructing, and disciplining of unattached adopted children, and you can check back soon for my thoughts and discoveries in that area.