Adoption is Hard part 3

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Before we left for Ethiopia I wrote about how difficut adoption can be, for both parents and children.  We have experienced so much grace so far in bring Fikadu and Tigist home.  There has been so much fun, laughter, silliness, and joy brought into our lives through these two kiddos!  Sometimes I just stop and think to myself, Woo!  Shouldn’t I be more stressed out now?  Wouldn’t I have normally been more upset at my husband?  Shouldn’t I feel more frazzled by my new schedule?  And yes, I admit, its been difficult to lose my alone time, to feel like the laundry will NEVER get done, and to constantly have to micro-manage two children who want to touch EVERYTHING, (really, EVERYTHING think, toilets, trash, outlets, stove tops, EVERY button on your computer, EVERY button on your phone, EVERY button on your camera, EVERY button on the dishwasher, EVERY button on your sewing machine, EVERY button on your coffee maker, EVERY button on your printer, EVERY button on your microwave, flip EVERY light switch (multiple times) – get the point???). =)  So yes, life has been harder this last week then life was before I had kids.

Here are my thoughts though. . . I think what is so hard for me is that I need to change.  You see I am a very selfish person.  (I know some of you are like – woo!  Glad she finally figured that one out!)  I don’t want to be a helpmate to my husband when it means I have to get up early, or stay up late, or put aside things I enjoy.  I don’t want to play legos or color another picture, or sound out anymore words, I don’t want to create any lesson plans, or do laundry, or wash dishes.  I want to read blogs, watch tv, read books, workout, do fun easy things that help myself.  Ugly isn’t it!!  And you know what happens?  I start to see my children and husband as hindrances to having an easy self-indulgent life!  UGH!  Could my sin get any uglier???  So I get impatient, nagging, and withdrawn.  And I don’t want to be like that.  Because then I start to worry (see earlier post today). 

Sooo, adoption is hard today because I need to change.  And I’m thanking God that He has made a way for someone like me to change because I’m not a very fun mom or wife to be around when I’m only thinking of myself.  I’m also grateful that I don’t have to have it all perfect today, or tomorrow or next week.  I don’t have to have perfect children right now either, so here’s to being thankful that time and truth are on my side!  And since I hear the kiddos moving around upstairs I’m thinking this is the end, because instead of leaving them, I want to be engaged, and thankful that I am now the mother of two very wonderful delightful children!

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