As adopting parents we are required by our social worker to read numerous books on an array of adoption issues. Everything from how to parent, to commons difficulties associated with the adopted child, to books on the child’s country of origin, to healthy attachment and so on.
Some “helpful” information I read this morning (thank you Mary Hopkins-Best):
”Parents may find their child’s pain very stressful or threatening and may therefore knowingly or unknowingly suppress natural expressions of grief. They may try to distract the child by promising a treat if he stops crying; cutting the feelings short (hush hush), minimizinng the feelings (you’re okay now), contradicting his reality (you’re going to love it here), criticizing (stop making such a fuss), embarrasing (you’re to big to act like such a baby), or threatening (stop it right now, or I’ll give you something to cry about).”
She goes on to emphasize that these are BAD ways to deal with a child’s grief. Whew, glad I learned that today! So I shouldn’t tell a crying child that if he doesn’t stop I’ll give him something to cry about????? =) ***My tone is slightly sarcastic***
3 Comments
April 20, 2008 at 6:24 am
There’s so much to learn! Thanks for the nugget!
Alisa, YG
April 20, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Alisa, SOOO true. Adoptive parenting is going to be different in many ways as we really have to pray for God’s insight into our children’s hearts. Its important to remember that our children’s entire world has been turned upside down when we adopte them!
Just so everyone knows, I was kind of laughing at the books upfront approach to what appears to be some common sense advice. As difficult as it will be to handle a child who does not speak English and is grieving, I can’t imagine telling a sobbing child that, “I’ll give him something to cry about.”
April 21, 2008 at 10:36 am
This is good advice even for people who aren’t adopting. I sometimes need to be reminded to let Malachi cry.